


A comma after dearest

by unacaritafeliz



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, God this is so self indulgent, Letters, Longing, Love Letters, M/M, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, rated t for language btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25378486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unacaritafeliz/pseuds/unacaritafeliz
Summary: "My dearest, Zuko,Distance is biphobic."[One year after the war, Sokka writes a love letter]
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 159





	A comma after dearest

**Author's Note:**

> "One universe has us right,  
>  of all the millions  
>  stacked on millions.  
>  So it's not this one.
> 
> I can live with that" 
> 
> \- Elisabeth Hewer.

My dearest, Zuko,

Distance is biphobic.

I can imagine the way you'd laugh at me if you heard me say that, but I stand by it. Distance is biphobic, because I'm bi and I find it very inconvenient. Because it keeps me away from you.

I miss you, Zuko. I think you already know this, because I'm sure it's clear in every letter that I write you, but I really, really miss you. I miss staying up late talking to you about all kinds of bullshit. I miss sparring with you, even though I nearly always lost. I miss the dumb way the corners of your eyes crinkle when you smile, and the way you blush when someone pays you a compliment. It's bizarre because I've only spent a few months with you compared to the many, many years we've spent apart, but I miss you anyway. I just want to be with you. I basically always want to be with you.

It's not fair, Zuko. Why would the universe tell me that someone kind, and beautiful and righteous like you exists but not let me be with you? It's biphobic, Zuko. It's not fucking fair. I deserve to have the chance to be with you. Even though it probably wouldn't have worked out, even though I don't deserve you, I deserved the chance to try.

Maybe I should have done things differently. Maybe I should have gone with you to face Azula. Maybe I should've stayed with you after the war. Maybe I should have kissed you, when you were close enough to touch. I wish I had. I know there was no way I could have - you got back together with Mai as soon as the war was over, and you were happy and she's amazing, she's the exact kind of person that you need to be with, that you should be with, and I've grown to be so fucking fond of her- but, fuck, Zuko, I wish I had kissed you anyway. I wish I had done something. Now I have to live with the knowledge that I may never see you again and I'll never get the chance again.

I wonder if you ever wish you had done things differently too. Do you wish you had joined our team earlier? Do you wish you could visit me more often? Do you wish you had kissed me, Zuko? Do you even think about me at all?

Not that any of this even matters. There's no way we could be together, even if I was somehow brave enough to ask, even if you were somehow in love with me in return. Your home is in the Fire Nation with your people. My home is here, with mine. We were both meant to rule our people, to lead them to something bigger and better than what they are, than what we are. This is what we have to do, what we want doesn't even matter.

But, fuck, Zuko. I wish it could be different.

I've been thinking - you know how the avatar gets reincarnated? They get to live a thousand lives, with different friends, different lovers, in each. Do you ever think that the rest of us could be reincarnated too? I know there's no real science around it, no evidence for me to latch on to, but I can't help but believe it to be true. It's the only way I can explain the way I feel so constantly connected to you, knowing that, in this life at least, you're not meant to be mine.

There has to be a version of us that isn't like this, that isn't bound by duty, by honour, by the ridiculous amount of biphobic distance that exists between us. Maybe you'll be a Water Tribe warrior, or maybe I'll be a Fire Nation noble, or maybe we're both kids in the Earth Kingdom that mean nothing to anyone except each other. Maybe you're still happy with Mai, or maybe I'm still happy with Suki, and we make it work anyway because it's worth it just to be together. Maybe we go through a thousand lifetimes of tears and heartbreak and loneliness before we get to the only one that matters, the one where you love me back and there's nothing standing in the way of us being together.

Zuko. I'd love you in a thousand lifetimes if only it meant I could be with you in one.

I know I can't send this to you. Not only would it be mortifying as fuck if you knew the extent of my feelings for you, but it can only cause you pain because there's nothing you can do about any of this, and I know you've never liked a problem you can't fix. I'll burn this letter the moment I finish writing it, bury the ashes of it in the snow along with my love for you. I just needed to say it, even though you'll never get to hear it.

I love you, Zuko. I love you, and I miss you constantly.

Yours,  
(always, always, always yours, Zuko)  
Sokka.

**Author's Note:**

> You might wondering! Is this really about Sokka and Zuko or is the author projecting all her feelings onto a children's animated series despite being a grown fucking adult?
> 
> You would wonder that.


End file.
